They're just Superdy Duperdy Gay
I love comics, I love superheroes, and I love cheese, but do you know what I hate besides physical labor. Superheroes that are so completely useless, I would rather defend myself with a banana. The other kind of Superheroes that I hate are superheroes that are so insanely powerful, there is no point in even having any other superhero. I'm not saying that I hate the superheroes in general, just the powers they have. Now let's take a look at some superheroes.

You just knew I was going to list Aquaman so let me just get him out of the way. Who was the genious to come up with a superhero that has the power to swim! Oh well he can talk to the animals of the sea, but come on. No ones going to listen to that fag. "Mister shark, help me! I'm getting my ass handed to me out here, come in and bite his ass or something!" The shark would then reply, "Shut up fag, if you can't handle a 5 year old scuba diver then you don't deserve to wear those green tights." I mean maybe he could throw water balls, but that wouldn't do him much good underwater, like trying to drink a bottle of water underwater. Now incase some villain plans on taking over the ocean and building some evil base underwater to make the ocean taste like old piss, then Aquaman has it covered, but he aint much help once you drag him out of the water. I think even I could take him if I had some water balloons on hand(preferably frozen). Aquaman, what would the world be like with out you. I'll tell what it would be like, all of the oceans water would taste like old piss and society would crumble within.

Punisher, let's see, give a guy a shitload of guns, put a scull on his shirt and bam! We have a homicidal maniac err... superhero. I mean come on people, the guy has more guns then the entire army of Canada. Besides him packin' some serious heat, this guy doesn't make much of a hero. I think there is enough disgruntled postal workers out there. So what were to happen to him if let's say, he didn't have any guns on hand. He will perform the almighty and slick manuever of running away like a bitch(I have mastered that skill).

Daredevil; He's blind, but he can see noises. I think we have a winner. So he's pretty much a guy with poor vision, little devil horns, and two sticks of unforgivable doom(had to make them sound cool somehow). He has no powers and never trained a god damn day in his life, but yet he has rippling muscles. Does every superhero have to have skin tight leather, off course I guess that makes up for everysingle superheroine in comic books(boooobs). Tell ya what, let's see daredevil take on superman's villians, but of course not, it just so happens that all the bad guys in his home town are just strong enough to put up a fight with daredevil(old ladies) and all the strong supervillains are in superman's city, go figure!

HULK SMASH EVERYTHING! Need I say more.

Superman; Yeah, that's right, I put him on the list. It's just to many powers for one man. Let's take a look at what powers he has: laservision, x-ray vision, super vision, super hearing, super breath, super strength, super speed, ice breath, the ability to fly, and skin tougher then titanium(and anything else they can slap the word super on). I mean he has almost every power in the book, come on! The person who made him should have just said that he was invincible and can destroy planets just by sneezing. Super speed belongs to the Flash, it's all hes got. The ability to fly, sorry hawkman your outdated(of course what person gives a hero just the ability to fly). Super strength, the Hulk has girly arms. I could go on, but you get the picture. The man is just.....too super!

Captain America; Maybe it's not the fact that I don't like his powers, but more like his suit would make a gay man say, "man that is one gay suit." I say that captain america should be a president that was bitten by a radioactive hamster and gained great powers such as running around a wheel all day, sleeping, eating, shitting, and biting fingers. I mean just look at his suit, it's so cornball it makes me cry. I love the fashionable pirate booties though. And what's up with the sheild/frisbe, "take this you villian!" "eek, that frisbe is coming right for me," just then a dog would come running in and snag the sheild in mid-air. Get this guy a god damned sword, please.

Green Lantern; Here's me vs Green Lantern. "Give me that ring!" "Hey don't, ...awwww"

I know there is a lot more useless superheroes right now, but I covered the big ones(plus I'm lazy). So if you want to see me mock some more pussy heroes then post it up in the comments and questions section of the forum. Aquaman ownz!

By Jago